Painted Smile
by mudkiprox
Summary: He will never love me the way I want. So I smile when I see him, laugh when he calls me names and die everyday I can't tell him how I feel. onesided!Spamano. *two shot* Rated for Romano's mouth.
1. Chapter 1

**ARGH! I know! I should be updating Wished Away! I'm such a bad authress! But this idea popped into my head and just had to be written down. I _will_ update WA soon. Probably. Enjoy!**

I can't help but wonder if things could have been different if we weren't Nation People.

If we didn't have the obligations of our countries on our shoulders.

If we could simply _be_.

Live our lives without having memories of hundreds or even thousands of years. If I didn't have to be living with heart break for hundreds of years.

Oh yes, I have been in unrequited love for hundreds of years. Not that you would know to just look at me. I always have a grin painted on my face. I am always smiling and laughing and acting as if everything is fine. It isn't. When I see him, I want to hold him and never let go. When he gets angry and calls me a bastard, I want to tell him how much I love him and _need_ him in my life.

But I never do, and never will. He would never speak to me again. I know he does not feel the same way as I do. Not that I've asked him, but I know mi Lovinito well enough to know that he doesn't love me.

I don't know how to live without him though. I tried for a while once. I cut myself off from him. I didn't call him, didn't ask him over and didn't answer the door when he came by pounding on it demanding to know why I was ignoring him.

It was the most excruciating time of my life. It was worse than the times when I was constantly at war. Worse even, than when England defeated my armada.

I couldn't keep it up for long. I broke down and called him again, asking him over for some tomatoes. At first he was angry that I was calling him after all this time, but he agreed and I fell back into the cycle of loving him and living with an ache in my chest whenever I see him. But an ache is better than a hole, isn't it?

Everyone calls me oblivious and stupid, but I see more than they think. For example, I know how much Prussia wants Austria to love him and how Austria wants Prussia to do the same.

I see how England wants to cry every time he sees America with Russia, and I see how Romano will never love me the way I love him. He will never break away from his Catholicism, especially not for me.

So I smile when I see him, I laugh when he calls me names and I die inside every day I can't tell him how I feel. But I paint a smile anyways. As long as he's happy I'm happy.

Right?

**Well, this was my first attempt at Spamano and any Hetalia fan fic. Let me know how it was! I _might_ do a second chapter about Romano, but only if anyones interested. **


	2. Chapter 2

**So here is Romano's point of view. I would have written it earlier but I was at camp all week, sorry! And yes, I'm aware that I overused the words 'damn it' at the beggining but it fit, so I left them there.**

Damn it, that damn tomato bastard is staring at me again. He does it when he thinks I'm not looking, like I can't see the longing stares he's giving me.

Damn it, I wish he wouldn't look at me like that. As if he knows he can't have me, but will keep on loving me anyways.

Damn it, it doesn't matter if he's right, he should stop looking at me like that! It's not a love story. I'm not in love with him but oblivious to his feelings. I know he loves me.

But I'm the problem. I don't love him the way he needs me too. And you can't have a love story when there's no love on one side, now can you? He can't be without me and he knows he can't be with me.

I hurt him. By simply existing I hurt him. And I can't stop. I would never be such a coward as to kill myself, not to mention it's a sin, and we can't stay away from each other when we are both alive. I was worried, when he spent time ignoring me. All of a sudden, he stopped calling, stopped asking me over, and wouldn't answer the door. When he finally called me again, he sounded so tired, so resigned. He knew that he could never let me go.

I'm sorry. Sorry for him that he loves someone who is incapable of feeling like that for someone, and sorry for me, hurting someone that I care deeply about?

Damn it! Why couldn't he have loved someone who deserved him? Someone who could love him, and care about him and wouldn't hurt him every time they opened their mouth.

I wonder, if I didn't have my Catholic upbringing, if I was not South Italy and he was not Spain, would I love him? Would I be able to love?

But wasting time pondering what ifs is pointless. When he smiles at me, as time passes, I see the smiles get a little less real and a little bit faker. I can see him dying inside when I swear at him, but he smiles anyways.

Maybe, if he told me his feelings, I could tell him I don't, can't, love him, and he could move on. But he thinks I will hate him if he does confess.

All right, so I can't tell all of this from just looking at him. And maybe I read his journals, but damn it! The bastard was ignoring me! It's not my fault he left them lying around my house!

I suppose we will continue in this endless cycle for all time, until he breaks. Until he can no longer stand the sight of me. I will cry when this day comes. For all my curses, he is my best, and really only friend. I just can't love him. So every day we play our parts and wait for the day something changes.

But I don't know if it ever will.

**I'm sorry! As much as I love this pair, I didnt know how to make this have a happy ending without seeming cliche or cheesy. Thanks to everyone who reviewed!**


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